September 11

I have strange and mixed feelings about the September 11 tragedy that has now assaulted our memories for ten years. They say you understand things better when you get a new perspective on them, but in this case I find this incorrect. I do not and never will understand how someone could plan what occurred in New York those years ago: no matter how much hate, how much dissonance, how much misunderstanding...how it could result in thousands of deaths. No, rather I understand more of the picture. Occasionally Madame puts the T.V. on in the background during our long french dinners (they're becoming some of my favorite times), so that we can improve our french, discuss the news, etc. She purposely left the T.V. on today because she understood how me and my housemate felt: distant. Distant from our country where everyone we knew was getting together to remember and honor those who lost their lives. The images were horrible, and watching them this time i felt a weight in my heart like I have never known. I think seeing these things in this setting- completely removed from them in space in time- gave me a greater ability to reflect and imagine their reality. The reason I share this here is because I had a singular experience that I can't bring to you any other way. When we watched the planes crash through the world trade center, I held my breath. But more importantly when Kristin, my house mate from Rhode Island saw the planes crash she held her breath. And when Madame saw the planes crash she held her breath. And the tears that swelled in my gray eyes swelled in blue eyes and they swelled in brown eyes. It was an American tragedy, but I realized in full today that it didn't just effect us by any means. The world stopped. And the world was wounded and horrified by what they saw as we were. And this is never so real as when you see your horror reflected in an others' eyes.